As you know, I am an Asian male living in Canada. I was born and raised in Toronto, Ontario and 
as a young adult, I never thought about racial preferences in terms of finding a partner. My preference lies in whether or not a girl has an attractive/cute face (AKA “initial attraction”). Then second is personality which is very important. I do not care about the colour of their skin. However, I am in the minority in comparison to my friends and colleagues (and perhaps you, the reader of my blog post).
To start off, let me tell you a little bit about myself. When I was in high-school, I was a nerdy guy. I was a very skinny and short person who loved playing the drums (AKA a band geek). As such, my appearance didn’t show any “athletic” ability. After grade 9, I continued taking gym classes (not mandatory in Ontario high schools), since I did so well in terms of grades (90+ %) and excelled in 
sports and other physical activity (e.g., floor hockey, running, doing push-ups and chin-ups). Personality-wise, I was the funny and sociable guy around my friends. However, I was very shy when it came down to talking to girls that I liked or to girls I’ve never socialized with before. Basically, I was just that average guy that walked the fine balance between doing nerdy and sporty activities and couldn’t talk to any of girls that I liked. (Holy-Cow… I am Michael Cera from Juno, but shorter O_O !!!)
Anyways, before attending my first year of undergraduate studies,
Still short and skinny during my undergraduate
I became more confident in myself. But I don’t really know what lead this to happen. Perhaps, it was due to my new fashion choices (e.g., instead of wearing baggy pants and shirts, I wore something more fitted). Or perhaps, it was because my braces were finally being removed and I was able to smile confidently for the first time. Or maybe, it was because I knew university was a new chapter in my life where I could change who I am. As if it provided a clean slate to take “chances”. Or, it’s all about practicing and getting experience in talking to girls in order to gain some confidence in one’s self. (Right Allen Iverson? It is all about practice!). Perhaps, it’s a combination of these things. All I’m saying is, as a 19-year-old adult, I was a bit more confident in terms of taking initiative and talking to my fellow female companions.
So near the end of my undergraduate days, a couple of my friends were discussing how minorities, especially Asian men generally do not do well when trying to find a partner
through online dating sites (e.g., Tinder, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish). Being a young confident man and trying to break the Asian stereotype (e.g., nerdy, lack of leadership skills), I made a bet with my friends. The bet was that my friends and I were to create an OkCupid account and whoever manages to get a date first wins. The reason for the bet is not just proving my friends wrong about Asian men not succeeding in online dating, but also breaking the Asian stereotype and it is a great opportunity to find someone special.
It so happens that I won that bet. How you ask?
Well, I ‘ve read studies on ethnicity and online dating preferences and I’ve found that:
Source 1:
(Reference: Christian Rudder – Race and attraction 2009-2014)
Source 2:
The Results:
- Most Caucasian women prefer Caucasian men.
- Most women, other than black women, prefer Caucasian men
- Most men, other than Asian men, prefer Asian women
- South Asian men were least preferable to women in general. Second least preferable were Black men followed by East Asian men.
- East Asian men have an equal response rate to Caucasian men from Latino women
- Caucasian men prefer every other race over Caucasian women
From the looks of Rudder’s findings, it seems like it is an uphill battle for Asian guys like me in the online dating world. But, I always like a good challenge! In my opinion, I see confidence and hard work as ways to overcome these statistical “obstacles” and are important keys to success!
As a scholar, I did my due diligence and I have researched all the things I needed in order to create a “perfect” profile. This is where the hard work comes in.
- Pictures are worth a thousand words. Choose a picture that isn’t a selfie. Instead, upload a picture of yourself doing something meaningful (e.g., model pose, playing an instrument, going outside to concerts/sporting arena, being around your friends). A washroom selfie is a no-no. Also, taking a picture of yourself shirtless (Even if you have abs) is a no-no. Tip: Let a friend take a picture of you!
- What to write on your profile page? Be yourself. Be real. Write something meaningful to you. Write something short and sweet! (don’t write a novel! :P). On the flipside, no girl wants to message a guy putting in zero effort into their profile. Tip: Use keywords (e.g., The Walking Dead, Marvel, basketball, movie-goer, zombies) to make you memorable!
- Answer questions on OkCupid, but answering too many can lead to narrow choices on availability.
- Personalize the message to a girl that you are interested in. Do not write: “Hi” or “What sup?” or “I think you’re cute”. Personalize the message using information that you read from her profile. If both of you like “basketball”, write a message to her about basketball. For example, “Hello Coolgirl1992, I see that you like playing basketball, what position do you play? By the way, the Raptors aren’t winning the championship 😛 ”
Another example:
- Don’t be shy to ask for help. I went on Reddit for some tips to improve my profile. (Not to brag, but some users were pretty impressed that a 5”4 Asian guy was able to get the number of messages that he got)
- Be confident! When you message the girl for a day or two. Do not overdo it… it is good to have several messages with her, but it will get boring after awhile, ask her out on a lunch/dinner date at a public place (e.g., cafe shop, sushi, quite place to talk). Tip: Read her profile if she has a “favorite food” info. If she doesn’t have one, just ask her what kind of food she likes to eat.
- Be confident (#2) and be yourself when you get the chance to meet her face to face. For example: when I see the girl, I gave her a “confident” hug and ask her how her days went…
What were my results?
I think I was an anomaly in terms of the studies mentioned above because I received a decent amount of messages (not including the messages I’ve received when I messaged first) from girls from all walks of life (e.g., ethnicity, education, religion and etc). However, to be honest, it was mostly Asian women that messaged me the most (e.g., Chinese, Filipino), followed by Caucasian women (e.g., Canadian heritage, Italian) and lastly, Latino women. Now I’m beginning to wonder if those studies were outdated (I’m thinking of creating my own social experiment) or perhaps, whether the tips for creating a “perfect” profile actually works!
I also tried Tinder, same results:
To note, with all the messages and the “likes”, I had to filter them. There were bots and also girls that just wanted to have a fling (I didn’t want that). My main priority was to choose a girl that was right for me. I was not the type of person that wanted to create an Okcupid account in order to sleep with people (aka “getting laid”). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against it, but simply it’s not my lifestyle. I’ve been on eight-nine dates using Okcupid. They were all great (lovely intelligent young ladies); however, they were not the one for me. Wing is… 😉
Final Words:
Be confident. Be yourself. If you cannot find someone or not interested in the girl you dated online, it is fine. There are many potential partners elsewhere, for instance, Wing found me … Men are not the only one that is looking for love 😉
Feel free to comment on your experience in online dating! Also, if you have any tips for men and women on dating online, feel free to post that as well!
Here is an excerpt of my OKC profile:
Black censor bars were some of my personal life stories
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